Thursday, 3 May 2012

The Writer's Voice: Entry #85


Query:

London, 1882.

Seven years ago, Emil Aleric and his sister were kidnapped and taken to ‘Wonderland’ by a man claiming to come from the future. He called himself the Hatter. Emil survived the torture. His sister didn't.

When Emil hears of a serial killer ravaging London and leaving notes quoting Alice in Wonderland, Emil knows his former abductor has returned. And when his guardian, Inspector Corwin James, is put in charge of the case, he thinks it must be fate.

At first, Corwin's adamant that Emil have nothing to do with the case; after all, he’s only fourteen. However, as the two come closer to learning the truth of the murders, they find the most pivotal clues lie in Emil’s memories—suppressed for seven years, but now threatening to consume him. Emil must fight once again- but now, if Emil fails, and what the Hatter says is true, time itself will end.

First 250:

They say that when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

In other words, thought Corwin, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.

Corwin James was an intelligent man, and a reasonable one at that. He was a little taller than average, a little younger than he appeared, a little more cynical than he let on. Three years ago, he’d taken over his late father’s job at Scotland Yard and now, at twenty-one years old, was content as an upper-middle class citizen. It was December of 1882, and Corwin was sitting in his study, looking at the snow outside without really seeing it and inhaling the scent of fillet mignon without really smelling it.

Corwin was not the kind of man to slouch and prop his feet up on the table. To any onlooker, his current position, his legs crossed and two fingers massaging his temple, would look poised and professional. For Corwin, it was the height of bad posture.

 The cause of his lapse in etiquette was simply stress. Corwin was not a superstitious man, but reports of young women disappearing for days on end and reappearing as the victims of violent murders had convinced the restless public that the devil was at work.



62 comments:

  1. Finally, a query I recognize from AW! Good luck!

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  2. Really interesting concept! Good luck!

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  3. Love this. Go AWers! Good luck!

    -Sarah #146

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    1. Thanks! Good luck, too! We AWers have to stick together!

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  4. Hi Alex, I'm stopping by from the Writer's Voice Contest to wish you the best of luck! Nice to meet you.

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    1. Thank you very much! Nice to meet you, too.

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  5. Dropping by to say good luck! I love the serial-killer notion, it's so intruiging.

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  6. Hi, thought I should stop by. What a great story you have here! Best of luck with everything. (#169)

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    1. Thanks! Best of luck to you too.

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  7. Awesome concept! Dang, it sounds super intense. Good luck in the contest!

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  8. I remember reading this in another contest and it's stayed with me. The concept is really cool, I'd love to keep reading this! Ah well, have to wait til I can buy a copy from my local bookstore... *sigh* Good luck to you, Alex :)

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  9. Great idea, I am definitely intrigued. Thanks for stopping by my blog & good luck with the contest !

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    1. Thank you! Good luck to you too!

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  10. I enjoyed both the query and the sample - I am a fan of well written passive voice and your sentence "He was a little taller than average, a little younger than he appeared, a little more cynical than he let on." nails it nicely.

    Good luck, we're all going to need it.

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    1. Thank you very much! Good luck to you, too!

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  11. Go historical! GOOD LUCK!!!! :)

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  12. Sounds very creepy :) And I love your first line! Best of luck :D

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  13. OMG this concept is fantastic! I totally want to read this book! I am WAY into murder mysteries and cool twists on classic literature (which is obvious from my entry - #32 - which is a twist on Shakespeare!). Good luck!

    Andrea

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    1. Wow, thank you very much! Good luck to you too- I'll be sure to check out your entry!

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  14. This sounds all kinds of awesome! Good luck! :D

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  15. Good luck - sounds like a clever premise. #195

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  16. So, I'm kind-of an Alice in Wonderland superfan... and I kind-of squeee'd REALLY loudly when I saw this (as well as your post later down with your hat-- ahem: love the hat!)

    Good luck in the contest. Love the premise.

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    1. Wow, thank you very much! I love my hat too- I got a bunch of Alice stuff in Disneyworld. :-P

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  17. I like the Alice in Wonderland tie-in with a serial killer. Who would have thought?

    Good luck!

    Tina (#194)

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    1. Thank you! Good luck to you, too!

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  18. VERY NICE! I like your opening, and your query is spot on. I'd keep reading (actually I wish I could keep reading. THIS is the problem with contests like this!)
    Nazarea #86

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    1. Thank you very much! I've been having that problem with some entries in this contest. So much quality!

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  19. Love it! Creepy query and excellent opening. Best of luck! #197

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  20. Oo, great concept, Alex! :) Good luck!

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  21. Alice in Wonderland retelling? Talk about awesome! Really enjoyed reading your entry :-) Best of luck!

    Ashley #78

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  22. You sold me at Alice in Wonderland retelling. Love the writing too.

    Great job! Good luck ;o)

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  23. Hello. I remember reading this in another contest, and I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely love the premise. I love Alice in Wonderland. I hope this gets published one day. Good luck. :D

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  24. Holy crapballs. This premise sounds amazing. I want to read this book. REALLY, REALLY badly.

    I'm adding you to my reader, so that even after the contest, I'll be able to keep track of WHEN you get repped and sold! :D

    Kelsey (#186)

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    1. Oh my goodness, thank you so much! That's very kind of you.

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    2. Darling Alex, I just gave you a blog award on my blog today!! I hope you'll come check it out! You're a star, darling!

      (it's kelseyiswriting.blogspot :D )

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  25. Your concept is awesome - a murder mystery inspired by Alice in Wonderland? Sold. Also, I'm so intrigued by the historical setting and the Hatter's claim of coming from the future... I'd definitely want to read more! Good luck.

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  26. Love love love the premise! I would definitely read this. Good luck!

    ~Nicole, entry 68

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  27. Oooh, this sounds delightfully creepy!

    Good luck!

    Brandi #199

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  28. I want you! I can see so many possibilities in this story. I think it's just starting in the wrong place. I hope you'll pick me because I'm SO excited about this premise.

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  29. Way to go! From query to being picked! good luck! ferris #175

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  31. As someone who has read MAAH in it's entirety, I can honestly say that it IS delightfully creepy and well-written and it's the kind of book that will have you on the edge of the seat one moment, and rip your heart out in the next. So glad this story is getting the attention that it deserves. :)

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  32. Stopping by to wish you luck from another member of #TeamBrenda! I've seen your query & first page somewhere else and I still love it! Wonderful writing & a great twist on a classic story!

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